missing you is the very single thing that I have to endure when the sun goes down every evening, and when it rises from the horizon again the next day, the faint hope of seeing you again at some point gives me the courage to continue, to try to live better, and to become braver, but there is no sign of you, you are not here and only at some very distant future, a future that I might not be able to reach, an island which could be too far ashore, some air that I needed so badly to breathe but the lack is making me suffocating and almost exhausted, and yet, i keep on this silent wait, cos as the sun rises, another day gives one a new hope.

看那套電影，竟然想到妳。當然並非好事，卻是某種真實。

臉書上妳顯示好惦念他。也當然如刀割，但，愛他的話，那便愛吧，堅持著那份情。那不容易，卻難能可貴。時間，會証明到很多事情，包括情感。

怎能不想妳？不知道。有時候，心裡會再泛現跟人談及妳的衝動。但不可以。不能再冒犯。而且，大概也不應該說來說去都是那些話吧。可是，他們說: talking about you is the next best thing to talking to you，那倒是真。

妳的照片，那種距離，如此遙遠。熟悉、陌生；咫尺，烙印。

" 可能這是多此一舉。

見妳status，雖知戲謔多於實際，但，若要的話，有點錢是可借出的。

不會很多，我也很窮，大概只比沒有好一點點。

一定要還。至於何時，不必太緊張。總之不是十年八載便ok了。

不反感的話，讓我知道戶口賬號便好。不然的話，也沒甚麼。

不必回我任何文字。祝好。"

Didn't send it in the end. Your dignity deserves better. And I really should not do this.
Unless it's truly life or death, which I did not act when I should last year.

And then I realise, you are my reason. I live for no other cause. All others are secondary.
Regardless.

There's a battle inside my heart and mind now. I am not entirely sure if it's a good thing or not, but it changes matters.

It complicates scenarios, indeed. Not necessarily a bad thing to me. Too much uncertainty still. But change is perhaps better than anything quiescent.

I miss you so badly and yet avoided approaching you.

And you became so invisible, with me being transparent there seems to be endless nothingness, an abyss of void....

我以為發出那信以後，便完了。要放下。
原來不。
大概不會完。
如何走出困局。

當妳對我某些貼文作出反應，我會暗忖，是否應該作出破冰的回應。可是不，那只不過是點個頭。

多麼的想，但是不可以。

I'm always here. I never was away.

多麼牽掛，然而卻不懂如何重聚。

究竟要怎樣，方可讓妳安然？

請妳好好待自己。

真的那麼不屑一顧嗎。